The Presidential Race(s)

"Indiana Jones, PhD" (indianajonesphd) 06/05/2016 at 21:19 • Filed to: election, america, hillary clinton, donald trump, bernie sanders, motorsport, cars, racing, lemans

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!!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! candidates for the presidency of the United States, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, and Bernie Sanders are in the middle of a race. But what if they were each partaking in motorsport races instead? Which race would each candidate be best at?

1) Hillary Clinton: Formula One

The most established and popular race. Everyone has heard of it, it is what most people consider the norm for motorsports. Not much happens throughout a season but you can count on Formula One’s experience and consistency. Favorite among a-list celebrities and sometimes impacted by things a crazy man named Bernie says.

2) Donald Trump: Gumball 3000

A race fit for billionaires— it isn’t much of a race at all. Not like the serious races on the democratic side. Very gaudy and all about appearances rather than performance, the Gumball 3000 is filled with supercars, scantily clad women, gaudy decorations, and superfluously showing the world how money makes you better than the rest of us— The Gumball 3000 is Donald Trump incarnate.

3) Bernie Sanders: 24 hrs of Lemons

The everyman’s race: Le Mans for the 99%. It isn’t filled with gorgeous cars or the height of automobile engineering, but it is filled with grit, endurance, and integrity to make 24 hours of grueling racing in cars that cost less than used refrigerators. Bernie is the 24 hours of Lemons because he cares about the race— not the money, not the looks, and not the attention, just the pure thrill of motorsport.

TheHondaBro > Indiana Jones, PhD 06/05/2016 at 21:37

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I’d say Sanders is more like NASCAR. It’s a well-established motorsport for blue collar Americans. It’s not glamorous, it doesn't attract the same type of clientele as Formula One, but it's truly the motorsport for the working class.

TheTurbochargedSquirrel > TheHondaBro 06/05/2016 at 21:44

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But your average NASCAR fan is a redneck making them likely to be trump supporters.

TheHondaBro > TheTurbochargedSquirrel 06/05/2016 at 21:51

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But we're talking about the motorsport, not the fans.

TheTurbochargedSquirrel > TheHondaBro 06/05/2016 at 21:54

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He is totally Rally. Trump would fit NASCAR better if he wasn’t rich making him a perfect match for the Gumball.

dsgolson > Indiana Jones, PhD 06/05/2016 at 22:33

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Hillary would totally be in rallycross

DipodomysDeserti > TheTurbochargedSquirrel 06/06/2016 at 00:23

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But that's only because they vote against their best interest because they're uneducated morons.

samssun > TheHondaBro 06/06/2016 at 00:28

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You seem to be confusing the working class with the nonworking class

Old-Busted-Hotness > TheHondaBro 06/06/2016 at 06:39

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And they only turn left. Perfect for Bernie.